6 years later…
Here we are January 2016. We have just been slammed over here on the East Coast by #blizzard #jonas #2016. It’s been 6 years since the last blizzard I really remember. It was the blizzard of 2010. My family had decided we had enough of being in the house. Cabin fever must have struck.
Off to grandma’s house we went. More like, grandma, pop-pop, grandma, titi’s house. You see my mom and my in-laws all live in the same neighborhood. My husband and I were living three doors down when we met. Anyway, on to the story.
So we got on all of our layers and set out to explore the soft, fluffy, white world out there. We decided to bring a snow tube with us so that the kids can sled along the way. It was supposed to be fun, happy, awesome times. We had a six year old and a three year old at the time. Come to think of it, the snow tube was to help carry the kids around too.
Here’s the part that’s etched in my mind. We walked, the family was so excited. My husband appeared proud to be leading us on this snowy adventure. The kids were excited, “we are going to see pop-pop.” That was all great, but on this trip I walked into a major stormy wake-up call. I struggled so much during that adventure. The snow was so deep, I was so out of shape.
I think just getting on all the layers required to make the trip should have been an indicator of what was to come. We walked, my legs quickly felt so heavy. It took no time for me to feel out of breath. We walked some more, the burn had kicked in. My brain was thinking, “go back, you are not going to make it.” It wasn’t a typical workout feel. This felt like a serious health issue.
They could all see that I was struggling. I saw this look in my husband’s eyes, one of concern. It read “you shouldn’t be like this”. It didn’t feel like judgment. It felt like worry. We finally made it to the high school. It’s about the half-way point. I felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed help. So, that snow tube became mommy’s VIP snow tube. That’s what I told myself at the time, you know, make light of the situation. Make it funny looking to the kids. My husband knew better.
Tears freezing down my face would not have been fun. Just would have added to the shitiness of that part of the trip. So, I didn’t let them make an appearance. I was feeling completely uncomfortable in the skin I was in. Racing heart, breathing hard, super sweaty, concerned about how I looked at certain angles. I know, no time to be vain but let’s be real.
When you are overweight and not comfortable with how you look and feel, every body position, movement and angle matters. I must admit that I also had worries that the high school security camera would capture my struggles and someone would get a little laugh out of it all. lol! #notfunny
I told myself I was going to remember the way that felt. I remember taking a moment to really embrace the crapola that was my health and promised to myself that“things” were going to change. That I needed that experience to help facilitate some kind of change. I was going to use it as a wake-up call. I thought to myself as my husband and kids were walking and I was being escorted, what if there was an emergency right now? I wouldn't be able to help myself. How could I help my family? That thought and feeling really sucked.
Here we are, today January 24, 2016. Storm Jonas has just left us with about 30 inches of snow! The storm has passed and it was a sunny day here in our part of town. My husband again with his cabin fever has decided to go for a walk. I had made an awesome butternut squash soup, my in-laws put a request in to try some. It just made sense for us to go on our family walk to visit all of them.
I couldn't help being curious about how the walk would go for me. I really wasn’t too concerned, you know, since things have changed. I’m healthier now. I’m about 45 pounds less. I don't have the pain issues that I had back then. I worked out with a Jillian Michaels video this morning. I stretched. I eat in an healthful manner now. I’m stronger. I’m more confident. But, that memory came back to me so many times today that I had to reflect on where I was, and where I am now.
We made the trip with ease. I will admit that there were a few more areas that had already been walked on, making it a little easier at times. There were places and times where we had to walk in the knee deep snow, and it wasn’t bad. I feel stronger, more balanced, my energy level was consistent, and breathing and heart rate were not noticeable or a concern to me.
I think what topped it off was a text I received from my sister-in-law and mom once we arrived back home. They all usually want to know that we made it home alright. I texted them that we made it safely. My sister-in-law responded “That was fast. You jog?!?” Mom responded “ Cool! That was fast.”
How awesome is that!! I didn’t slow my family down. I didn’t need anyone to help me get up and down. I could navigate freely and confidently. At no time did I feel like my heart was going to pound outside my chest. Did I work up a little sweat, sure did.
Can you relate to my experience? Are you frustrated with the way you feel? Ready to become the healthy, happy person you know your are meant to be?
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